


Red

by lilnaugrim



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 19:30:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15419982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilnaugrim/pseuds/lilnaugrim





	1. The Beginning

_“Maker, my enemies are abundant…”_

“No!” Dorian screamed in vain as he watched his ex-Templar friend go down to a blow at his back. Dorian acted quickly, he very nearly drained his Lyrium reserves as he fried the Venatori agent who hit Cullen. The man screamed bloody murder as his skin melted from his bones. Dorian took pride in watching the man wither to the ground. The man had struck a blow first; hurting Cullen was his mistake. “Cullen!” Dorian scrambled over the mass of tree roots to move towards his friend. The Commander was in and out of consciousness from the blow but he was alive at least. The battle around them raged on with the Inquisitor and the other two in the air fighting off the other Venatori.

 

               Cullen stood at his makeshift desk in their new keep; Skyhold. He had been so thankful that Solas knew of this place. He had barely slept since the fall of Haven but there was so much to do. He couldn’t help to notice something flashy up on the stairs into the keep. He looked up to find the Inquisitor talking to the new mage recruit. Cullen couldn’t remember his name as they’d only met for a brief moment back in Haven; all he knew was that he was a Vint. He watched the two interact and wondered about the flashy man, his wings were black like all Vint’s but his were dusted in gold. Cullen wasn’t sure if it was natural or some sort of paint that he adorned himself with. His wings were what caught the Commander’s attention and his diamond shaped tail with the long middle feathers that stretched all the way to the ground. His tail was long and meant to be flashy to attract a mate. The middle feather curled upwards to keep it from hitting the ground fully. The Inquisitor seemed to be inspecting the mage’s wings as the Vint held out one long and slender black wing to show him.

               Cullen watched more as the Inquisitor spoke with the man; the Vint had put his flashy wings away from the moment and closed up his tail to a slender bunch of feathers. Cullen looked at his own white and brown wing. His wings were broad and meant for silent approaches, the feathers were creamy browns and whites thrown together in light striped patterns. Underneath was silver that often disguised himself against the day sky from those looking up from below. His tail was squared and just as large as the Vint’s except his feathers didn’t curl nor were they fancy. His wings were meant for sky battling and silent attacks whereas the mage was meant for attracting mates and for flying low and fast over open terrain. Elves on the other hand were made for swooping through forests and camouflaging themselves with nature. Cullen quickly looked away when the Vint looked down towards him, he went back to working on the strategy of defense should their enemy attack them here.

“Good morning Commander,” the Vint had landed next to him with a flashy smile. Cullen looked up and smiled in return to be polite. “We only had a moment back in Haven but I wanted to meet you properly,” he explained himself. “Dorian Pavus, formerly of Minrathous, Tevinter,” he extended his hand to him.

“Good to meet you Dorian, Cullen Rutherford,” Cullen shook his hand firmly. “So you’re a mage?” he started up the small talk.

“What gave it away?” Dorian chuckled.

“I can feel you—Templar,” he explained himself.

“Yes, I could feel you as well, though…it seems to be fainter now?” Dorian eyed him up and down; it was such an obvious glance. Cullen wasn’t as comfortable talking to him as he was being eyed like a dinner.

“Ex Templar I suppose,” he sighed. “I stopped taking Lyrium just before I came to Haven,” he said.

“Why?”

“I do not want to be bound to an order that has lost sight of its original cause.”

“Humph, you’d _love_ our Templar’s then,” Dorian rolled his eyes with a bit of a chuckle.

“Why?”

“They’ve got no balls left,” Dorian said plainly, Cullen raised his eyebrow before he furrowed his brow; questioning what the mage meant. “They don’t take Lyrium,” he clarified.

“They don’t take Lyrium? How can they keep mages in check then?” he asked. He’d heard about Tevinter Templars before but he never believed the stories to be true.

“I’m sure you know Tevinter is ruled by mages, yes?” Dorian leaned against his makeshift desk and folded his arms.

“Yes but what happens if there is an Abomination…or an Apostate?”

“Then they’re dealt with, generally by the mage populous who are not of the Magisterium. The Templars do as they’re told but they’re more like glorified soldiers to be honest,” he shrugged.

“Mages ruling mages?” Cullen raised his eyebrow.

“If it’s easier for you to comprehend, then yes,” Dorian nodded. Cullen wasn’t sure what to do with this information and he still felt uncomfortable being so close to the Vint. Dorian was studying him, he could feel it. “Did you need any help while I’m here? I’m not much for work but I might as well offer,” he smirked.

“Oh uh, no, thank you, it’s just reports,” Cullen rubbed at his neck as he looked down at them with a sigh.

“The paper seems to be winning this battle,” Dorian mused.

“Yes well…with the Inquisitor’s recent dealings and Haven, there is a lot to accomplish with so little time,” he explained.

“Do you play chess, my friend?” Dorian asked him, it seemed to be such a random question.

“I do…what of it?” Cullen asked, wondering what the mage was getting at.

“Good, let’s have a game then, shall we?” Dorian was quick to hook his arm in Cullen’s to pull him along. Unfortunately, Dorian found out that Cullen was more or less a brick wall to be reckoned with and he would have fallen on his face had he not been holding onto the Commander. “Come along, you need a break,” Dorian insisted when Cullen didn’t move.

“What’re you doing?” he asked, trying to unhand him from the mage.

“Just come with me, the reports will still be there when you return. I promise I won’t take much of your time,” Dorian motioned to walk up the stairs. Cullen looked down at the reports and then back to Dorian to sigh, he knew the mage was right. It’d only been a week that they’d been in Skyhold but he was already exhausted. He followed the mage to a game of chess. Cullen would learn to value his games with the Vint, Dorian always knew when Cullen needed a break and would pull him along to the garden’s to play a round or two.


	2. Tricksters Abound

_“Many are those who rise up against me…”_

“Traitorous Vint!” one of the Venatori yelled to Dorian as he ran towards them. The mage was able to get up in front of Cullen in time to block the spell from the Venatori and return its force with his own. He could feel the blood trickling down from the side of his mouth from the force he was using but he had to protect Cullen at all costs. His wings were out in a protective stance and his tail fanned for instant flight if he needed it. He was breathing heavily and he felt like his adrenaline was pushing him to the edge of his existence.

“D—Dorian?” Cullen was waking.

“Stay down Commander!” Dorian told him, bracing himself for another onslaught of Venatori. He was running low on Lyrium, he could feel it. He quickly turned his staff to start fighting with it instead while he waited for a bit of his Lyrium to replenish. He didn’t have any potions with him and his Lyrium didn’t replenish as quickly when he was still in battle but he could at least buy himself a little time to unleash the last of his magic.

 

 

“Cullen!” Dorian burst through the Commander’s front door and quickly shut it as he panted.

“Is there something wrong?” Cullen stood up from his chair; he’d grown fond of the mage over the last month and a half that they’d been a Skyhold.

“Hide me! Hide me!” Dorian ran over to him giggling.

“What in Thedas for?” Cullen furrowed his brow as Dorian looked around for places he could hide. He spied the Commander’s desk and dove under it in the alcove. The front was secured so his attacker wouldn’t see him.

“Sit, sit, act natural!” Dorian quickly tried to pull him onto his chair and closer. Cullen could feel his face heat up as he was ushered into his chair and there was a knock at his door.

“Come in?” Cullen attempted to state it but it came out more of a question than anything. He had to stave off laughing as a very angry Blackwall entered his office. His clothing seemed to be wet and rather slick and smelly.

“Where’s the mage?” he demanded as he came forward.

“Which one?” Cullen asked as he did his best to appear normal as he held the quill in his hand, ready to sign the report he’d just read through before Dorian interrupted him.

“You know which one, the Vint,” he growled, placing his hands on the desk.

“I haven’t seen Dorian since yesterday. If you’d kindly leave, you’re fouling my office,” Cullen grimaced at the smell coming from the man.

“I know you’re hiding him,” Blackwall started to come around the desk and so Cullen scooted himself in a little more to conceal Dorian. This action only pressed the mage firmly against his knees and legs, Dorian had to situate himself between Cullen’s legs in order to fit.

“Ah, please don’t come around…” Cullen told him quickly as he reached a hand down between his legs to bat Dorian’s head away from his inner thigh. Blackwall lifted an eyebrow as he looked at the Commander.

“Got something to hide do you?” the man started to chuckle. “Never thought you’d be that loose with yourself Commander,” he gave Cullen a wink. Cullen was about to retort saying that he had no idea what Blackwall was talking about but the man was already leaving and waving him off. “Sorry I interrupted your jerk off party,” he said before he closed the door. Cullen stared at the door, _jerk off party?_ He asked himself. He couldn’t wonder too much longer because he heard Dorian start to giggle.

“Alright, what in Andraste’s name did you do to him?” he pushed himself away. Dorian popped out and settled between his legs with his elbows resting on Cullen’s knees as he looked up to him.

“Sera and I may or may have not egged the man whilst he was asleep,” he grinned like a child. Cullen rolled his eyes and groaned.

“With rotten eggs?”

“No, no, the stench was his own. He has yet to bathe this week I’m afraid and so that was our plan,” he explained. Cullen was repulsed to know that horrid smell was coming from Blackwall himself, he could see how Dorian’s plan could be condoned. “Hm, you don’t seem to mind me being here, it could be a place I grow accustomed to,” Dorian smiled as his left hand started to lightly walk up Cullen’s leg.

“I’m uncomfortable but why would I mind? It’s not as if you were going to do something horrible to me,” Cullen shrugged, oblivious. Dorian started to grin that predatory smile again as his hand reached Cullen’s hip and the Commander jerked away lightly.

“What I could do to you in this position is far from horrible,” he teased. “Would you like me to show you?” he offered.

“Um,” Cullen swallowed his spit as he looked around, “can’t you just tell me?” he asked, his brow furrowing with his confusion. Dorian sighed and pushed himself to stand up instead.

“You’re no fun Commander,” he shook his head. “I could have easily sucked you off and no one would be the wiser,” he explained. “And Blackwall thought you were touching yourself,” he gave the motion of jerking off his cock to clarify.

“Oh!” Cullen closed his legs and instantly went beat red at the explanations. “Oh uh, I didn’t realize that’s what he…he thought I was doing that?” he became nervous about what Blackwall thought of him now. “And you…you would, you would really do that?” he asked, looking up to Dorian.

“Of course. You must have figured it out by now,” Dorian went around the desk to shrug as he looked to the Commander who sat in his chair.

“Figured out what?” he asked. Dorian had to chuckle at him, he shook his head before he resigned himself to explain who he was.

“I enjoy the company of men, as in sex,” he could see Cullen burning up at the mention; this was much too fun to embarrass him. “As in I like to be pressed against the wall and fucked into—“ Cullen was quick to stand and shove his hand over Dorian’s mouth, leaning over the desk.

“Ah, that’s alright, I didn’t need to know that,” he said and let go when he was satisfied that Dorian wouldn’t continue. He hated that smirk that the mage now wore.

“You’re much too easy Commander, one day you’ll get used to it,” he sighed. “Thank you for allowing me to take refuge,” he gestured to the desk before he left. Cullen stood there and wondered if Dorian liked him, from the way he was inching his hand around he would conclude that yes, the mage did like him. Cullen began to wonder about taking on mates in the future, it wasn’t a topic he typically thought about since he simply didn’t have enough time to devote to a family and the war effort. But if he had relations with a man, he wouldn’t be able to give Cullen children and thus, no family to worry about. But that also meant no future children for him either, he did want a child or two in the future when the war was done and over with. But what if he died in war or if the war never ended? He concluded that he needed to keep this topic away from his mind for the moment; there were too many questions and not enough answers for now.


	3. A Chase

_“But my faith sustains me; I will not fear the legion…”_

               Dorian hit man after man, his wings helping aid his fight. He stayed around Cullen and held off the men that attacked them. He was grateful for Cullen’s training now. He once refused to learn hand to hand combat or even staff combat but now, he was thankful that he’d taken those classes with him. He would never admit that he mostly took them just to admire Cullen’s ass in thinner breeches but he was glad all the same. He roared with might as he knocked the last of the men down with his staff. He panted and moved back to Cullen to fall back onto his ass.

“Oh Maker, I’m not cut out for this kind of work,” he breathed out, hoping that the fighting was done.

“Dorian, you need to run, there are too many,” Cullen breathed out as he attempted to get up. He had his own scars and wounds from the battles. He was still healing from taking a knife to the leg earlier in the week.

“We can do this amatus, Levellan is close by, I’m sure of it!” Dorian shook his head as he willed himself to get back up. He could sense all the Vint’s around who were closing in to their little clearing. Bodies littered the ground around them. The smell of blood was starting to penetrate him and make him queasy.

“No Dorian, you need to get out of here. I’ll follow, I promise,” Cullen stood next to him to brace them both.

“How cute,” a Venatori brute came out of the woods, chuckling at the two of them. “Come on boys, two sitting ducks right here!” he yelled back into the woods.

“There are too many Dorian,” Cullen warned him as they both started to look around at the emerging Venatori.

“We can do this!” Dorian growled at him before he let go to challenge the brute. The brute was twice his size; he’d been enhanced by the Red Lyrium that Dorian could feel. He could feel the wild and unstable magic that flowed through him, it was unnatural and it was destroying the man underneath. Cullen, behind him went to fight off the smaller peons.

 

 

 

“Dorian, what’re you doing?” Cullen asked with a sigh as the mage scurried around. In the two and half months that they had been at Skyhold, he and Dorian had become great friends.

“You had a book here that I saw last week and I want to read it, however,” he growled as he turned to Cullen, “now that I’m looking for it, I cannot find it!”

“What was the name of it? Perhaps I can help?” he asked, this was for a noble cause and not some scheme that Dorian was pulling to try to kiss him. It was clear that Dorian enjoyed Cullen for more than friendship but Cullen knew he couldn’t reciprocate the feelings. Or at least, he was very certain of himself.

“I haven’t the slightest; it simply had an interesting cover and was rather thick. A bit like a ex-Templar that I know,” Dorian chuckled and eyed him as Cullen came over.

“Was that an insult to my intelligence?” Cullen asked him, he was all for some playful jest.

“Not at all, it was praise for your cock,” Dorian corrected. Cullen stopped all movements to freeze, had Dorian seen him at some point? The mage began to laugh at him and shake his head. “Relax Commander, I jest! I jest!” he had to make it clear as he patted Cullen’s arm affectionately. “Forget the book, come fly with me,” he was able to reanimate Cullen by taking his mind off the subject of his reproductive parts or Dorian’s sexuality.

“But I have reports to finish and the Lord Inquisitor has a war council meeting today,” Cullen shook his head.

“You wound me Commander! Lose my favorite book and then refuse a simple flight!” Dorian accused him playfully.

“But I didn’t—“

“Come Commander, chase me, would you?” Dorian grinned as he went to the door. Cullen had to agree that a flight was in order, his head was killing him from the Lyrium withdrawal symptoms he occasionally had still. Dorian knew what was best for him and always offered a flight when Cullen was feeling the ache in his head.

               Cullen knew he was starting to rely on Dorian a little too much to help with his headaches. When the mage wasn’t there, it was damn near impossible to rid himself of a headache even if he tried to replicate what they did together. It was the fact that Dorian spent so much time with him plus the activities that they did. Dorian began to massage the Commander, pressing against pressure points which helped to relieve tension in his body. Cullen would attempt to replicate some of those presses but he couldn’t find the appropriate places or he couldn’t caress himself properly. He couldn’t lie to himself that he adored being with the mage, and to think that he was going to write him off as another stray mage when they first met!


	4. Home

_“Should they set themselves against me…” [Trials 1]_

               Dorian wasn’t sure what happened. Cullen had gone to the other side of the clearing with his fight as Dorian taunted the brute. The man was weak and slow in his tactics but his strong hit made up for it. Dorian dodged some of the swings and tried to use his staff as a shield; deflecting blows and attempting to whack the man over the head if he could reach. More blows pushed them back to the middle of the clearing, harder and quicker until the man raised his sword over his hand to finally slice Dorian in two.

“No!” Dorian cried out when he raised his staff over his head to shield from the blow. The sword came down and sliced the staff in two. Dorian cried out, he felt the pain from the instrument he had called his own. He had that staff since coming to Skyhold. The pieces fell from his hands and clattered to the ground. He looked back up to see the man preparing to swing again. Dorian used what little magic he had left and held up his hands as he coated them with a protective barrier. Dorian growled and yelled at the man as he held the sword. Blood ran down his arms as his barrier started to give way to the Venatori’s force. The brute knew. He pulled the sword from Dorian’s grip; slicing his hands open. Dorian couldn’t feel the pain, not at first.

               The world stopped for just a moment. Dorian could feel the slow of time as he looked to Cullen who was fighting hard and ruthless. Heads of Venatori flew off, hands, legs, wings, shields, armor, it all came off with the swipe of Cullen’s blade. Dorian tried to yell out to warn Cullen, the assassin that snuck behind him. Everything stopped and the world ceased all sounds, Dorian knew what he had to do.

               Red swirled around him, red as opposed to his typical purple and green magic. Dorian knew this would kill him, he was sure of it. But he had to do this, he had to protect Cullen even at the peril of his own life. The brute next to him died first; his blood joined Dorian’s. Dorian lifted his shaking hands to command the wall of swirling blood to spread and take all the lives it could. All, except Cullen’s. Dorian knew not if the magic reached the Inquisitor and his party a little further off, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was that he saved Cullen.

               The world suddenly became deafeningly quiet as the shouts and yells of the battlefield were quelled. Dorian’s ears pounded with the rush of blood through him. He saw Cullen turn and drop his sword and shield as he looked to Dorian with the question. Why?

 

 

“Do you miss your family?” Cullen asked as the pair sat on the north facing tower. Cullen was nursing his glass of wine as Dorian nearly sucked his down. It had been three months since Haven but everyone still remembered it as if it were yesterday.

“Sometimes,” Dorian looked at him, the full moon made Cullen’s feathers illuminate in the night. “I spoke with my father back in Redcliffe but I’m not sure if I could ever fully forgive him for what he attempted on me. I miss my mother but mostly, I miss my best family slave,” he said.

“You miss your slave? Why, can’t get used to doing things yourself?” Cullen asked with a scoff.

“No, no,” Dorian shook his head, “that isn’t what I mean,” he went on. “Nico was my best friend when I had none others. Growing up in a family house that is part of the Magisterium doesn’t grant you many friends. Oh, I knew people and people knew me but there were rarely many other children my age or I was never permitted to play with them. Nico was there when I needed him, not as partners,” he felt it important to mention since Cullen still seemed uneasy about his sexuality. “He was just…he was a nice man and always made me feel like a person, not some number. I recognize that I had it easy and I try to make it seem like I wasn’t so sad but…I was—am, I suppose,” he fingered the rim of his glass. Cullen took the bottle to give Dorian a refill, the mage smiled at him appreciatively.

“Just because you had it easy doesn’t mean that you can’t be sad,” Cullen shrugged. “It seemed like it was lonely. I could never fully understand I suppose, I had two sisters and a brother when I was growing up,” he smiled in the dark light.

“Sounds wonderful,” Dorian grinned. “But thank you Cullen, I appreciate the sentiment. This is why I like you, you treat me like Nico treated me; as a person and I…I needed that,” he nodded without looking at the Commander.

“Does no one else in Skyhold treat you like a person?” Cullen asked, concerned for his friend.

“They do, but no one treats me like you do. You may not like mages much but you treat me without reservation for that fact whereas others would. As much fun as she is, Sera still can’t get over the fact that I am a mage. I can’t particularly control that fact and so I wish she’d simply accept it, but she cannot. You take time to spend with me even when you have things to do; you drop what you’re doing and join me. Blackwall would never do that, even the Inquisitor can only tolerate me for so long,” he chuckled.

“You’re…important to me I think.”

“You _think_?” Dorian laughed.

“Oh, no I—I didn’t mean it like that, I just…you…you’re there for me too you know. I don’t know if you’re actually aware of the Lyrium withdrawal’s that I go through. Those massages that you do, it helps to relieve the headache and the random flights, those aren’t so random, are they?” he asked.

“I must admit it, they are not,” Dorian looked at him with a gentle smile. “You work far too hard and if I can get you out of that blasted office for even just a few minutes, my job is accomplished,” he nodded.

“Thank you for that, I…I can’t tell you how much I need that. It’s hard sometimes to actually convince myself that I do need a break,” Cullen agreed. He took a drink and reveled at the smooth taste of the Tevinter wine.

“I enjoy the fact that we help each other, it’s a wonderful thing we have here,” Dorian nodded.

“Indeed,” Cullen agreed with him.


	5. Bar Fights

“Dorian!” Cullen cried to him, “what have you done?” The red was gone. Dorian looked up from his hands with tears in his eyes.

“I saved you,” he spoke softly.

“Dorian, no,” Cullen shook his head as he advanced, “no!” he spoke louder as Dorian began to stumble back with his weakness. Cullen was able to reach him in time to catch him from falling and cracking his head on the rock below. He quickly lowered the mage to the ground gently and did his best to hold back tears. “Why, why did you do that?” he asked as he gently ghosted fingers over Dorian’s face to touch his pale figure.

“Had to save you…” Dorian whispered in his hold.

“You can’t leave me!” Cullen quickly pulled him into an embrace, hoping that his love for the man would keep him alive. “You can’t leave me Dorian, I need you!” he begged him as he let his tears loose. Dorian huffed at him.

“You never needed me Cullen,” he whispered.

“Don’t tell me that, just—just be quiet, I’ll get you some help!” Cullen told him frantically, “maybe, maybe you’ll make it through, yeah? Maybe the Inquisitor can help?” he was still holding Dorian tightly. The ground was stained with his blood around them and Dorian was weak. The once black and sleek wings were now dusty grey and filled with dirt; Dorian would never allow this typically. Cullen looked around to try to find the Inquisitor in the sky but he heard and saw nothing. They didn’t leave them here to rot surely! Cullen was beginning to panic as Dorian was fading in his arms and his hands still bleeding. He quickly set down the man gently and started ripping up his own tunic under his armor to attempt to stop the bleeding. He packed the wounds and tied it with a strip of his tunic to keep it tight. Dorian winced at the tying of the cloth but at least he was still alive.

“Here, my last potion, please,” Cullen offered his elfroot potion to at least give him a little more health and perhaps stop the bleeding. Dorian could barely lift his eyelids and so Cullen propped him up on his knees when he went around to his head. “Come now, drink,” he ordered the mage. He tipped a bit of the liquid down Dorian’s throat and waited for him to swallow it. He continued to feed the mage his potion until it was all gone. Then it was only a matter of waiting.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he repeated himself quietly. “I wouldn’t have been able to live on without you. You don’t understand what you mean to me!” he had to get it off his chest. He’d been saving this conversation for an appropriate time; however, he’d been saving it for a few months now as he became too chicken to tell a man that he loved him.

“Darling, I know,” Dorian whispered. Cullen was quiet for a moment, he knew? What exactly did he know? Why didn’t he say something before? “I know how you feel about me,” he continued. “I know about the looks you give me when you think I’m not looking, or how you talk about me when I’m not there, or how you draw little hearts around our names on loose pieces of paper. I know how you watch me when I’m in flight and I know that you think that you need me but you don’t Cullen. You’ve grown much in the last months, but…you don’t need me,” he coughed out blood. Cullen tried to ease him back and wipe the blood from his mouth.

“How can you say that? After all we’ve been through?” he asked. “Dorian, I adore you and all your stupid quirks and the way you act and how you think you Vint’s are all better than us Fereldens—“

“We are.”

“Shush,” Cullen urged him when Dorian smirked but he turned his head away to cough out more blood. “I hate how you believe that you’ll never find love because you’ve been hurt so many times before. Do you not love me Dorian?” he asked. Dorian was silent; Cullen’s heart burned and itched as he waited. He would have thought the mage died could he not see his chest rising and falling with breath under his hands as Cullen held him. “Does the fact that I love you mean nothing?” he had to ask, his heart was beginning to break as his wings drooped into the blood staining the ground.

“It matters not how I feel now,” Dorian shook his head.

“Yes, it does,” Cullen told him firmly.

“Cullen darling, listen to me,” Dorian said, “I’m not going to survive this and thus it matters not what I feel,” he shook his head.

“Yes, yes you are going to survive!” Cullen growled at him.

“How? No one has ever survived using their own blood magic,” Dorian shivered in the cool forest air.

“Then you’ll be the first!” Cullen roared as he pulled out the straps from his utility belt. Generally two people would fly with the stretcher between them but Cullen was alone. He strapped Dorian’s wings to his side and then moved him back onto the cloth that would keep him mostly comfortable as they flew. He strapped the contraption to his torso and his hips to at least keep Dorian safe in their flight. Without further ado, Cullen leapt into the air and flapped hard. He had trained for things like this in the past but that was in the past. He hadn’t lifted a man in such a fashion in years but his wings held them up at least.

               Dorian passed out on the flight back to Skyhold. It would take hours to get back and Cullen knew it. He was exhausted from the battle and this was doing him no better but he had to go on. He had to keep Dorian alive at all costs, he didn’t care that the Vint was giving up on himself already. Cullen flew hard and he flew fast high in the sky. He flew into the night, finally reaching the mountain pass to be greeted with a blizzard. His wings nearly froze without the proper gear to protect him but he went on. Morning hit by the time he made it back to Skyhold and dropped out of the sky at a safe distance. Healers rushed out to the pair to unstrap them and bring them into the infirmary.

 

 

               Cullen stood over his desk looking down at the reports he’d just finished up. It was very late in the evening, well past eleven and nearing on midnight. What he wouldn’t give for a nice glass of wine shared with Dorian but he knew the mage was down at the Tavern tonight. He sighed to himself and thought about simply going to sleep, it’d been a long week and he was about done with everything that had happened. The door opened just when he was going to retire.

“Sorry I didn’t knock,” Varric said at first.

“Oh,” Cullen shrugged, “it’s alright. Is there something I can help you with?” he asked. His help this week had been expended and he knew he looked just as tired as he felt.

“I don’t but Sparkler does,” Varric crossed his arms to shake his head.

“What’s wrong now?” he asked with a heavy sigh.

“He’s in a bit of trouble with Blackwall down at the Tavern. I think you should step in and calm him down before he gets hurt.”

“Why me? I’m not his keeper you know.”

“No, but you are his best friend. I’ve already done my best, it’s up to you now,” Varric insisted. Cullen grumbled to himself but he grabbed his coat to adorn it before he went up to Varric with his jaded expression. “Come along,” Varric said quietly as they exited Cullen’s office.

Cullen could see the Tavern was full tonight; there were people outside as well as inside. Instead of flying, he simply followed the dwarf through the rotunda and out the front of the Keep. They walked down to the Tavern and entered to find a party. Cullen spotted Dorian immediately at the bar with Blackwall, the two were arguing about something. Blackwall pushed Dorian back into Cullen and they collided with a huff.

“Cullen darling! So nice of you to join us!” Dorian turned his head to smile at him.

“Come on Dorian, time to go to bed,” Cullen tried to ease him away from the fight. Blackwall was clearly drunk and close to a rage.

“I’m not done with him, he isn’t going anywhere,” Blackwall growled to Cullen.

“Yes you are and yes he is,” Cullen grabbed Dorian’s arm to try to pull him along. Dorian didn’t want to leave just yet; Cullen had figured this would be the case.

“I said he isn’t going, Rutherford!” Blackwall grabbed him and threw Cullen against the floor.

“Hey! That’s no way to treat my best friend!” Dorian snarled at him before he bent to help Cullen off the floor. Everyone had moved away from them now as they waited for a fight to ensue. Cullen wiped the spit from his mouth as he resituated his wings angrily. “Cullen, are you alright?” Dorian asked him. Cullen looked at him angrily, how could he ask that?

“Come on Rutherford; give me what you’ve got!” Blackwall taunted him. Cullen was quick to turn and throw a punch. Blackwall caught him and pushed him away. Cullen went again to throw a punch but he missed and Blackwall hit him in the nose. The Commander yelped at the blow but quickly smashed his head into Blackwall which caused the man to fall unconscious to the floor.

“Cullen!” Dorian exclaimed.

“Shut up and come with me,” Cullen growled as he yanked Dorian’s arm and dragged him out the Tavern.

“Cullen, let go!” Dorian struggled with him as he followed. As he’d found out the first day, Cullen was still like a brick wall that couldn’t be moved without a greater force. “Cullen, please, let go of me!” he yelled at the man and continued to struggle.

“What is wrong with you?” Cullen stopped and finally let go of the mage. They were in the middle of the courtyard and headed towards the Keep were Dorian’s room was. Dorian was still clearly drunk but Cullen knew that he was high functioning at least.

“Darling! Your face!” Dorian exclaimed when he saw the blood coming from his nose; it was smeared across his cheek and down his chin and jaw from the brief fight. Dorian came close to cup Cullen’s face to get a better look at him but Cullen pulled from the light grip.

“It’s fine.”

“No, no, it’s not,” Dorian shook his head. “It was my fight with Blackwall, not yours. You shouldn’t have stepped in,” he sighed.

“Varric informed me that you were getting rowdy.”

“Sneaky bastard, I was doing just fine on my own,” Dorian huffed as he took his hands away and folded his arms instead.

“Not from where I was standing,” Cullen started to walk away.

“Wait, where are you going!?” Dorian leapt after him to stay close.

“Going to your room so I can wash my face,” Cullen said as he continued with Dorian attached to his arm at his side.

“I’m sorry for causing trouble,” Dorian said to him quietly as they walked through the castle. They attempted to avoid people as much as they could before they got to Dorian’s room on the bottom floor.

“Come on, inside,” Cullen ushered him in before he closed the door on them both. Dorian went to taking off his shoes and coat as he threw fire into his small hearth. Cullen went over to the wash basin to start cleaning himself off. He didn’t realize how much blood there was until he sneezed into his hand and groaned at the impact as he started to bleed more.

“Are you alright?” Dorian came around to try to help him.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Cullen attempted to hide his face. He reached for the cloth with his right hand as his left kept a cover over his face. He wet the cloth and tried to wring it out in order to use it properly.

“Here, allow me,” Dorian took the cloth from him. “Come now, look at me,” he tried to ease Cullen up. Cullen grumbled about it but he stood straight and took his hand from his face. “Dear me,” Dorian winced when he saw all the blood. He placed his left hand on Cullen’s head between his temple and forehead to help steady him as he brought the cloth up to gently wash away the blood. Dorian didn’t miss the wince when he came too close to his nose and partially busted lip. “Does it hurt?” he had to ask.

“No.” Cullen was clearly lying but Dorian didn’t say anything about it, he simply cleaned off his friend. Cullen waited while he was pampered; Dorian was focusing intensely on cleaning. This focus only came when he was entirely too enthralled with some subject or he was drunk, Cullen wondered if it was a bit of both.

“Just a bit more,” Dorian dunked the cloth in the water to rinse it. The water stained red as he washed it. “Here, rinse your hand off,” Dorian picked up his hand to dunk it into the water and scrub it with the cloth. He pulled out another towel to dry off the hand once it was void of blood. He rinsed the cloth once more and finished up his face. “There, all done,” he gave a gentle smile to his friend.

“Thanks,” Cullen sighed. Dorian went on to wash the cloth again and wring it to set it drying for the morning. Cullen fixed his hair and sighed, Dorian seemed pensive again and he wondered if he should leave him at all tonight. “So what were you two fighting about?” he asked. He would always stand up for Dorian regardless what the topic was, but he wanted to know if his bloody nose had at least been worth it or not. Dorian looked up at him as his eyes misted and he shook his head.

“I’d prefer not to speak about it…if you don’t mind?” he asked timidly as if Cullen would drill him for an answer. Cullen knew it had to be a sensitive topic if Dorian, of all people, didn’t want to talk. Dorian looked away when he felt the tears start to well too much and he grumbled about it quietly as he tried to hide himself. Cullen, even though he still felt awkward about it, he eased himself in front of Dorian and pulled him into a hug. Dorian seemed to melt right into him as he wrapped his arms around Cullen’s shoulders. They didn’t speak; Cullen didn’t need to hear the reason and Dorian didn’t want to talk. Cullen was at least happy with the way Dorian seemed to melt into his embrace; it was warm and welcoming. Dorian sniffled but he did his best not to sob in Cullen’s arms. “Can…can you stay with me tonight? I’d…rather not be alone if…if you’d just…” Dorian looked around when he pulled away. “I promise I won’t do anything to you…I just…I…” he couldn’t come up with a good reason that Cullen should sleep with him.

“Alright,” Cullen agreed.

“Really?” Dorian looked up at him, his eyes gone red with his tears but it made his grey eyes appear silver in the firelight.

“If you do try anything then I’m leaving,” Cullen warned.

“I promise,” Dorian nodded.

               The two stripped of their clothing down to their smallclothes. Cullen crawled into the bed first and laid on his back. Dorian followed and curled onto his side near the Commander as he pulled the blankets up around them and laid his head on the pillow. Dorian thanked Cullen for staying before they both fell asleep in the late night. Cullen ended up waking up some time in the night with a heavy weight on his chest. That heavy weight ended up being Dorian, the mage had cuddled onto him and around him, his own arm was fitted around Dorian to hold him close. Cullen smiled as he was cuddled and fell back asleep.

               It was the only night that they slept together. They both woke in much better spirits the next morning and Dorian remembered to thank his best friend for helping him through a rough night. Cullen figured that he’d never know why Dorian had been so upset but he didn’t mind not knowing, he knew that he’d helped Dorian and that’s all that mattered to him. He gave Dorian a simple kiss to his forehead like a mother would do, he left soon after to his own bedroom to find new clothes for the day and to start working with his troops.


	6. Silent Feathers

               Not very long after Cullen and Dorian arrived, the Inquisitor and his party followed. The Levellan male was frantic as he rushed towards Leliana to find a search party in order to find their lost friends. Leliana quickly explained that the pair had arrived only a few moments prior and were in the infirmary. The Inquisitor thanked her and rushed down to see to them.

“What happened?” he asked the healer.

“The Commander has sustained…much damage,” she sighed as she looked to him. “Before this battle, he suffered a knife wound to the leg, a broken toe, part of his left arm was burned likely of a mage attack,” she showed him the places that he was injured as he slept. “Many other cuts and bruises came from this battle. He also endured fatigue and is close to hypothermia from flying through the blizzard,” she told him before looking solemnly to Dorian who laid unconscious still. “Mr. Pavus seems to have worked a blood magic spell on himself, for what purpose I can only guess. He has drained most of his blood and is barely functioning,” she looked to the Inquisitor.

“How do you know it was he who used the spell?” he asked her.

“He isn’t ripped apart by whatever spell he used. Had it been the enemy then these two would not be alive,” she told him simply. He stared down at the mage that he’d known for a few months now. He knew of Dorian’s past and his quarrel with his father, he knew his hatred for blood magic. How was it possible that it was he who used the spell?

“Will he live?” he asked instead.

“I do not know,” she sighed as she stopped piling Cullen with blankets to look over at the mage. “I have done what I can, from here it is only his will to live that will bring him back from the brink,” she told him before she went back to tending to her patients. Varric came up by his side to fold his arms.

“Why did you leave them?” he asked, knowing that Cullen and Dorian had made it to the keep first. He knew that the party would never break up unless something had gone wrong.

“We could not find them. I was just about to send the search party out. We had seen a cloud of red but…I have never seen blood magic in effect before,” he explained himself to the dwarf. “I thought perhaps it was one of the Venatori. Never would I have thought it to have been Dorian,” he shook his head. “What drove the man to the brink of death?” he asked.

“I can think of a reason,” Varric looked to Cullen. “These two love birds have been hiding from each other for too long. Cullen might have been in trouble and this was Dorian’s last resort; slice his hands to save the one he loves. It’s the typical romance arc,” he sighed. “It’s always love.”

“How do you know they care so much for each other?” The elf asked which made Varric snort.

“Who _hasn’t_ seen the googly eyes these two make at each other when they think no one is watching? All that time they spend together? The signs are as easy to read as if it were written in one of my books,” Varric chuckled. “I never would have thought that Curly would care so much for a Vint and a mage no less,” he looked to the Inquisitor when the elf gave him a sharp look, being a mage himself. “He never did discriminate of course,” Varric explained, “he was simply leery due to his past and how much he’d been hurt by mages. That boy has seen more than his fair share of war with mages, it’s about time he found some love in one,” he smiled at his friend. Cullen had been sedated and bundled up in a pile of blankets to help stave off the cold.

“You would be the one to know then?” Levellan asked, curious.

“Actually, Leliana knows more about his past than I do. I was only there for Kirkwall but I know he was stationed in the Ferelden Circle previous to that. From what I know, it was taken down in a battle of blood magic between the mages and the Hero of Ferelden. He’s got too much history with blood magic if you ask me,” Varric said before he left the infirmary to allow Cullen and Dorian their rest. Levellan watched over the two a few more minutes before the healer informed him that she’d let him know when either of them woke.

               Cullen was the first to wake a few days later. He shivered under his blankets but he could feel his body repairing itself with the help of the healers. He was content for the moment to know that he was safe in their care. He could hear the murmur of the healers near him; they spoke softly to each other and seemed to attempt to figure something out. He heard the mage’s name and suddenly remembered everything that happened. Dorian!

“Dorian!” Cullen blurted out as he tore himself awake. He felt awful for pushing the blankets down; his muscles weren’t ready to be used so forcefully just yet.

“Commander!” one of the healers was quick to turn towards him and push him down. He went easily being that he was barely awake or functioning yet. “Commander, I forbid such movement for the moment,” she scolded him. He went back into his bed but he was looking at the mage in the next bed over.

“Is he alive?” he asked, his voice still raspy from sleep.

“For the moment, yes,” she answered as she tucked him in again. “You are both in bad condition, although…the mage a little more so,” she explained. “You’ve suffered some frost damage to your wings but you seem to be recovering quickly. You still need a few hours of rehabilitation before you will be released to your own,” she nodded.

“How is he?” he asked her, ignoring the information about himself mostly.

“He is alive, more than that at the moment, we do not know,” she shook her head. “His will to live is the only thing that will bring him back from this brink. He has lost too much blood for his body to recover on its own,” she sighed. Cullen could feel the tears loosing but he had no control over them, his best friend was dying and there was nothing he could do about it. He didn’t have the strength to wipe them from his face and so he only let himself cry as he looked at his mage. “I will be back in a few moments and we can begin strengthening you once more,” the healer told him before leaving.

 

 

“So, how silent can you fly?” Dorian asked Cullen as he sat on his desk to watch him work.

“Why?” Cullen asked, there was always a reason for Dorian’s questions.

“Curious,” he shrugged. “Most of us look the same in terms of wings in Tevinter. Though, males do get impressive plumage whereas females typically have shorter tails,” he fanned his own tail to show it off. The gold dusting over his wings had been natural Cullen found out, he was rather ecstatic to know. “I’ve never seen anyone with wings like yours. I’ve seen Elves and Marchers and occasionally the dignitary from Orlais but never a Fereldan,” he explained. “Are your wings soft?” he asked as he leaned out to touch them. Cullen flinched at the touch but continued his work as he let the mage pet him. “Not as silky as mine, but they’re wonderful all the same,” he smiled to his friend.

“To answer you, I can fly as silently or as loud as I wish,” Cullen answered; he knew the mage would bug him to no end if he didn’t answer soon.

“Interesting, I wonder how it works. May I inspect your wing?” Dorian slipped off the edge of the desk to start examining Cullen’s wing.

“Sure,” Cullen extended his wing a bit so he could continue his work while Dorian looked him over. Cullen knew exactly how he could fly so silently but he let Dorian do his work regardless; it was rather fun to watch him mull over something that intrigued him. Dorian pulled the magnifying glass from Cullen’s drawer to look at the individual feathers on his wings. Cullen had to smirk as he listened to Dorian talking to himself quietly and humming as he studied him like he was one of Dorian’s books. “Would you like me to tell you how it works?” Dorian stopped his inspecting to look at him deadpan.

“You mean you knew this whole time?” he asked, unamused. Cullen on the other hand was still smirking with his little secret.

“Of course!” he chuckled.

“Well, I suppose I should be happy to have spent a few minutes worshiping your wings anyway,” Dorian smiled as he put the glass away and hopped back onto the desk. Cullen folded his wing away for the moment. “Do tell,” he insisted.

“Serrated feathers,” Cullen shrugged. “Our wings are covered in them on the tops and the edges here,” he extended his wing again to point them out. “It allows for separation of the air and dampens the sound of rushing wind and therefore…silent flight,” he put his wing away and smiled.

“Intriguing!” Dorian exclaimed. “You know, I’m surprised you Fereldans haven’t used that for your advantage in war and such. You would think that you’d own much more land now if you had,” he mused.

“How do you think we won over all the land we have now? But we’re the ones with the most Darkspawn so we kind of get caught up in defeating those first to save Thedas.”

“Ah yes, such a noble cause,” Dorian smiled to him.

“Wasn’t your friend poisoned by Darkspawn?” Cullen asked pointedly. Dorian’s smile turned down before he sighed and nodded.

“Felix was much too young to go,” he became somber.

“Did you want to go for a flight?” Cullen asked. “You can see how silent my wings are if you like,” he offered. He was already standing up and putting his reports away for the day. He would sort through the letters tomorrow morning, for now, he had a friend to entertain.

“Alright,” Dorian agreed.

               Cullen loved the rush of air as he flew around, it always made him feel younger and refreshed. A little air seemed to improve Dorian’s mood as well as he flapped his wings with ease to catch up to the Commander. Dorian was built for speed whereas Cullen was built for long and slow flights, silent attacks in the night. Dorian’s wings were noisy and could easily be heard by prey but he was clever, had they been stuck in the wild, he would surely have no issues finding a dinner.

“Would you like to race?” Dorian asked him.

“You’d win; I have no doubts about that.”

“Precisely.”

“You’re terrible,” Cullen shook his head.

“I aim to please,” he chuckled. “Here, let me take a look at your wings,” Dorian caught an updraft to fly higher than the Commander. Cullen was nervous with the mage overtop him like this; usually if someone was over top him, it was an enemy. Dorian lowered himself until their bodies were nearly touching before he moved over to the wing to check it out while they glided through the mountains. “Hm, yes, I believe I see the little feathers now. Amazing how we’ve adapted for the world we live in!” Dorian smiled to him.

“Indeed,” Cullen agreed with him. Dorian boosted himself up in front of the Commander to take the lead. Cullen didn’t say anything but he followed the man he liked so much. Dorian was such a wonderful human, he could be reckless and annoying but Cullen found himself staring at the mage more often than not. He liked how Dorian looked and he liked how he typically acted, he liked how much they both cared for each other. The mage looked behind him to see if Cullen was following, he smiled at the Commander. “Where are we going?” he asked.

“No place in particular,” Dorian shrugged. Cullen didn’t mind though, he enjoyed the time spent with this man and he would follow him across Thedas any day. Dorian started to follow the updrafts off the mountains the fly higher and Cullen followed him with ease. The pair happily soared through the mountains of the evening; the sun was starting to set. Dorian’s wings glittered in the sunlight and made Cullen feel all giddy to watch the man below him. His tail feathers spread out and tilted to help keep him at the correct angle as they drifted.

“Hey,” Cullen moved closer to get his attention. “Follow me,” he said before zooming off towards the sunset. Dorian was quick to catch up but he didn’t question where they were going. Cullen led them low across the trees in the mountains and through peaks. They seemed to be chasing after the sun but Cullen had a place in mind. Through a few peaks and finally they hit a cliff face that was facing the sunset and had an incredible updraft from the ocean below. Cullen swooped around first and had to land carefully to show Dorian properly. He hovered for a few moments before actually touching down to the ground to fold his wings and sit at the edge of the face. Dorian was cockier in his attempt; he came in too hard and ended up falling into the snow when he overshot the updraft. Cullen couldn’t help but to laugh, Dorian was quickly to get out of the snow and shake it off so he knew he was fine.

“Shush,” Dorian warned him as he dusted off the snow and folded himself up before joining Cullen on the face to watch the sunset. “It’s beautiful,” he commented when he was seated next to Cullen.

“Yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve been here but it used to be a place I came to even when I was in Haven or when I was a youngin’,” he explained. “It’s a bit far from home but I enjoyed a day’s fly to watch the sunset anyway,” he nodded.

“Do you miss your home?” Dorian asked, it wasn’t something that typically crossed his mind. Everyone in Skyhold had been displaced from their original homes; some had to have been just as homesick as he was.

“Wherever I am is home enough for me,” Cullen shrugged.

“Doesn’t mean you can’t miss your childhood home and family,” Dorian insisted.

“I suppose,” he nodded. “I do miss my siblings—Mia mostly, she was always there for me and kept the family together. After I joined the Templar’s I didn’t see them often and I slowly grew accustomed to it. But yes, I do miss them occasionally,” he had to nod and confess. Dorian nodded and went back to watching the sun set over the Waking Sea. Beyond this were the Free Marches and Nevara. Beyond that was Tevinter; his old home. The updraft caused their hair to become messy as they sat there but they both enjoyed the blasts of fresh, warm sea air.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” Dorian smiled to him. Cullen nodded to him and wasn’t so surprised when Dorian leaned his head on his shoulder as they watched the sun set. He’d grown accustomed to the random touches and compliments the mage gave him. He still didn’t enjoy anything remotely related to sex, but when Dorian leaned on him like this, he always felt gooey in the inside and he liked it. Dorian wouldn’t try anything when he did this; he simply leaned on him and enjoyed the closeness that they shared.

               The sun set and the night started to turn chilly. Dorian started to complain about the freezing blast of air that was hitting them now; he hadn’t dressed properly for this flight. Cullen instructed him on how to take off from their positions without being blown back, he still had some trouble with it but he caught up to Cullen and the pair started their journey back; feeling better than before.


	7. Friendships

               Cullen spent the day strengthening himself. He kept an eye on the mage next to him and tried to keep near as much as he could in case Dorian woke. He worried for the mage; he was pale and unmoving most of the time. The healers went to him periodically to inject him with magic and try to regenerate him. It was close to evening time when Cullen was released. He refused the invitation but made it clear he wanted to stay with Dorian. The healers couldn’t refuse visitation rights but they did shoo him down to the mess hall to grab something to eat before he would return.

“Hey Curly,” Varric spoke softly to the Commander when he entered the healing ward. Cullen was sitting on Dorian’s bedside, watching the man as he nibbled on his piece of bread. Cullen glanced to Varric but only gave a nod to acknowledge him. “How are you holding up?” he asked, coming to sit on Cullen’s former bed.

“I…” Cullen cleared his throat, he hadn’t spoken much all day. “I’m…okay, I think,” he looked to his friend.

“You think?” Varric asked, “that doesn’t sound very promising.”

“I don’t know what to make of this situation to be honest with you,” he clarified. “I…I feel as though I am responsible but…but I know that he would have done this in any situation,” Cullen shook his head.

“What…exactly happened out there?” Varric asked him gently. Cullen looked to him and shrugged.

“We were outnumbered and surrounded,” he started. “I was injured previously…and Dorian was tired from the trek,” he looked back to the sleeping Vint. “The Venatori surprised us and attacked relentlessly. The mage’s and soldiers all enhanced by the Red Lyrium. I…didn’t…” he kept a hold of Dorian’s colder hand. “I didn’t see it happen but I was fighting as hard as I could. I heard the surprised yell from him and then…an enraged scream. Dorian was screaming for me but I had my own enemies,” he felt the tears building up as he recalled the event. “I—I couldn’t turn around to even see him but I knew he was in trouble—that, I was in trouble,” he shook his head. “He um…the next thing I knew, red swirled around us and—and all the Venatori, all the Tevinter soldiers. They were just on the ground, lifeless, as if the blood had been sucked from their bodies. The field went deafeningly quiet and I knew what had happened,” he gritted his teeth as the tears fell. “He did the one thing that he knew he could never do and…he did it for me,” he sniffled and shook his head again. “I—I’m sorry Varric,” he looked back to the dwarf.

“Don’t be,” Varric told him. “You just witnessed your best friend rise and fall, it’s enough to break anyone,” he said but Cullen still huffed. “And it’s alright to _be_ broken,” Varric added, knowing that Cullen wanted to stay strong through this. He watched Cullen’s face fall as the tears rolled, he was slowly letting go of his pride to allow his hurt to take over.

“Why did he do this?” Cullen whispered.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Varric asked.

“I thought it was, I told him that I cared for him more than I thought possible but he…he told me that it mattered not,” Cullen looked to the dwarf to show his anguish.

“He was trying to be strong for you Cullen, he loves you more than he loves his country,” Varric explained.

“Then why would he go and pull a stunt like this? Why not fly away when I told him to?” Cullen asked angrily.

“Because he could not bear the thought of you giving your life for his just as you cannot bear him giving his for you. He did what he thought was right, what he could do to save you because to him, you are worth his life, he did what he knew that you would do,” Varric explained firmly. The dwarf thought that Cullen was going to explode with how red he was turning. Instead, the Commander bowed down to sob against the nearly dead mage. Cullen shook his head against the blankets and cried his heart out.

 

 

“So,” Cullen looked to Dorian who sat on his desk reading through one of the reports about the Venatori.

“Hm?” Dorian glanced to Cullen in acknowledgement.

“Do all Tevinter men flash their tails up in strut like you all the time?” he had to ask. Dorian moved his eyes to look towards the Commander and smile.

“Not all men, no,” he answered.

“So is it a…a thing?” Cullen wasn’t sure how to ask his question.

“You mean a thing that men who are interested in other men do? That sort of thing?” he put the report down to give Cullen his full attention. Cullen usually hated when he did, Dorian would study the man and watch him shiver under his watchful eye.

“Uh,” Cullen looked towards his quill to try to find a way out of this, “I…yes…” he nodded.

“It’s partly a show of status. Much like a royal horse is held back on the reigns to hold its head high, we’re taught at a young age to show pride in our feathers. We preen daily and keep them high to show that we are in command of ourselves and the world,” Dorian smiled with his explanation.

“But you don’t keep yours up all the time,” Cullen wondered.

“It’s true, I don’t,” Dorian sighed and went back to his report.

“Is there a reason?”

“Should I? Do I need to prove to everyone here that I am a single and very attractive young male who is in charge of his own body?” he glanced to the Commander with a smirk. “I suppose I could, perhaps someone would ask me on a date then,” he mused.

“Maybe they would,” Cullen shrugged. “Just so you know, Fereldens and Marches don’t see it like you Vints do. Holding our tail up is a signal for mating and availability,” he said, blushing as he did.

“I am aware Commander,” Dorian smirked at him again, looking back to enjoy the blush of red on his face. “Do you think I’ve caught anyone’s attention yet?” he asked.

“Oh uh…I don’t know,” Cullen fiddled with the quill. “Perhaps one of the stable boys—“

“Stable boys? You can’t be serious Commander,” Dorian scoffed as he shook his head and returned to the report.

“I did find one admiring your feathers the other day when we were out for a walk,” Cullen defended his proposal.

“I believe it was you who was admiring my feathers, not the stable boy,” Dorian chuckled at him. “May I?” Dorian asked for the quill as he hopped off the desk to lean down on his elbows. He took the quill from the stunned Commander and dipped it into the inkwell as he spread his tail feathers out and shook them gently; rustling. Cullen was entranced as Dorian signed the report and handed the quill back. “Enjoying the view Commander?” Dorian smiled at him as he kept his bent position to try to lure the Commander out of his shell. Cullen tore from the feathers to glance to Dorian and then his papers.

“Oh well, uh sure, I suppose. I mean, I’ve never seen feathers like yours so, of course I would admire them,” he gave his explanation.

“Indeed, much like I admired your wings just a few weeks ago,” Dorian said, shaking his feathers again to gain Cullen’s attention. It worked like a charm, his eyes switched to the dancing gold dusted feathers in seconds. “Does this make you uncomfortable Commander?” he taunted. Cullen gritted his teeth before he looked to Dorian’s face to answer.

“Yes.”

“And why is that? Is it because in your culture, this is an open invitation for…sex?” he asked.

“Yes,” Cullen answered again.

“What are you waiting for?” Dorian dared to ask him.

“I already told you that I wasn’t interest Dorian,” Cullen stood up to be further from the man who taunted him so. Dorian followed him in standing but he did put his tail down.

“Come on darling, I want to see you try,” Dorian smiled to him.

“No,” Cullen crossed his arms. “My tail stays down, forever.”

“Does that mean you’ll be a virgin forever?”

“I’m not a virgin,” Cullen grumbled at him.

“Oh?” Dorian sat back up on his desk and crossed his legs ever so elegantly. “Do tell.”

“No and no,” Cullen went to stand in front of the fire to be away from the mage.

“You’re no fun Commander; you really ought to loosen up. Come, just pretend you’re being a Vint for the moment. I want to see how those pretty feathers look,” Dorian tried to coax him over. Cullen stayed his spot and glared at the fire as he kept his tail tightly closed. He would not give Dorian the satisfaction of a win, not this time.

“Whoa!” Cullen nearly leapt into the air when he found a hand at his lower back just above his preening gland. Dorian chuckled at him and dodged the slap thrown his way. “Don’t do that Dorian,” he warned but Dorian only kept his hand at Cullen’s lower back.

“Come on Commander, show me just once,” he pouted. Cullen tried to swat the hand away but Dorian followed his movements.

“Why? Why does it matter so much?” he asked when he finally broke away from the mage.

“I like to tease you, it’s fun. But I do want to see your feathers in display. I have a feeling that it’s spectacular,” he gave him a compliment. Cullen’s feathers twitched with his frustration and distrust of the mage, Dorian was planning something, he knew it.

“No,” Cullen told him again.

“Commander!” Dorian whined at him.

“Fine, you want to see them spread out then here!” Cullen spread out his tail but he did not raise it. “There,” he grumbled, “now stop bugging me.”

“Not until you give me a full display!” Dorian touched his back once again. Cullen pushed his wing out hard to press the Vint away from him. He growled and went to his desk to sit down again. It didn’t help when he heard Dorian’s quiet chuckles from where he’d pushed him away. “You are much too fun to tease, amatus,” Dorian said softly as he came back around. Cullen glared at him but otherwise tried to ignore him. Cullen could feel the headache starting to pound worse in his head. Dorian seemed to recognize the signs but he stayed his ground. Cullen huffed to himself and attempted to finish his work the best that he could. “No, no,” Dorian came around behind him. He leaned over and wrapped his arms around the Commander.

“What are you doing?” Cullen asked, annoyed.

“Relax,” Dorian soothed him back; he wanted the Commander to rest against the back of the chair and made it so as he coaxed him back. “You’ll make it worse if you worry so,” he explained. Dorian could see the hurt in his expression. The subtle changes that only the mage could see. Cullen did as he was told, he put the quill down and let his hands rest on his legs. “Very good,” Dorian cooed. He didn’t let his hands stray over the Commander like sorely wanted to, instead, he kissed the blonde temple of his friend and sent a spell through him to calm him. Cullen relaxed completely against the back of the chair and Dorian smiled. “There you go,” he whispered.

“You knew this was coming, didn’t you?” Cullen asked softly as he let Dorian hug him. “Or…was it you who caused it in the first place?” he grumbled. He could think that the stress of Dorian’s pestering would be enough to set off a headache.

“I saw it the moment you started to read your report before mine,” he explained. “You only gave me something to talk about,” he smiled and pecked at Cullen’s cheek. Cullen huffed at it and gave a slight pull of his head but did not move further. “Hm…I wonder…” Dorian purred against him.

“Hm?” Cullen barely raised his left eye to look at the mage. Dorian pulled himself away enough that he could tilt Cullen’s head to the left a bit. He took his opportunity to delve into the man and kiss him on the lips. He could feel the annoyance from his friend but Cullen did not immediately reel back. He did move back but slow enough that Dorian had a few moments of bliss as their lips touched and his body felt ignited. Cullen grunted at him and shook his head.

“You,” Cullen started. “Are the worst friend, ever.”

“Why in Thedas would you say that?” Dorian asked him, all smiles due to Cullen’s lack of resistance.

“You’re trying to make a lover of me when I don’t want it. You should be my friend, not both,” he crossed his arms but kept his eyes closed as he tried to rest himself.

“A good relationship is founded on friendship. Without friendship, it is only lust and lust can only get you so far,” Dorian sighed. He knew this all too well. “If I were to have a relationship with anyone, I would want it to be you, Cullen,” he spoke his name so rarely that Cullen was always surprised to hear it from Dorian’s lips. He was often referred to as “Commander” or “amatus”, whatever that meant.

“Why?” Cullen asked, it wasn’t often that anyone said this to him, he couldn’t help but to question it.

“Because we are already great friends, throw in some sex and you get a relationship!” Dorian chuckled. “But,” he went back to leaning down with his arms around Cullen’s shoulders. “You treat me well where others would not. You don’t mind my shenanigans even if you aren’t so fond of them. You don’t throw me out simply because I am a Vint,” he leaned his head against Cullen’s before pressing his finger to the man’s chest to send another soothing spell to dampen the effects of the headache.

“Do they really treat you so differently?” Cullen asked him. He felt comfortable in Dorian’s embrace, dare he say that he liked it?

“It is so,” Dorian sighed and rubbed his head gently against Cullen’s. “The only other who treats me similar would be our dear Inquisitor. But he…is a little too smug for my liking.”

“Ah, so it is fine for you to be smug, but not others?” Cullen asked with a small smirk.

“Of course!” Dorian gave his chuckle. Cullen liked the sound of his voice, it was soothing. “But I digress. Blackwall has been…warming up to me, though he was a right prick when we first met. Couldn’t get off his own high horse to see that I’d gotten off mine quite some time ago,” he huffed. Cullen could feel the hot breath graze his cheek.

“Perhaps by your standards, but to us “commoners”, you still seem high and mighty,” he shrugged.

“Nothing that can be helped, unless you were to know me better as you do,” Dorian responded. “You know what I’ve gone through to simply join the Inquisition—nay, to even warn you lot about what was impending,” he huffed again. “You know what I had to leave and why I cannot go back. Maker, I am uncertain of whether I would even be welcomed back were it to come,” he let himself droop onto Cullen more with his defeat. Cullen raised his hand to pat Dorian’s arm.

“I know,” Cullen assured him softly. “For what it’s worth, I am glad that you are my friend,” he admitted. Dorian was silent for a moment, Cullen wondered if the mage even had a response to him or was he choked up? Cullen turned his head a little to try to see the mage. Dorian had waited for the moment and leaned in to kiss him again. Cullen tore his head away this time and shook it. “You, are an awful person,” he noted while Dorian sniggered at him.

“You’re feeling better,” Dorian noted instead of bothering him more.

“I am, thank you,” Cullen picked up the report again.

“Good,” Dorian came around to sit at the edge of his desk again and read through his own reports. Dorian knew that Cullen’s like for him was growing; it was just a matter of when. He smirked to the Commander who glanced up towards him but quickly looked back away. The mage was content for the moment, if Cullen’s love was growing then maybe he could be patient enough for it to come on it’s own.


	8. Crossing the Veil

               It was the middle of the night, the second night of being back home. Cullen had barely slept, how could he? He stayed up, ragged and exhausted, but he vowed to keep a watch over his best friend. He watched Dorian’s shallow breathing and attempted to tuck the blankets tighter to keep him warm. He could feel his eyelids threatening to close. The healer came over to check on the mage. She sighed after and shook her head.

“Commander, his heart is fading,” she spoke softly. Cullen looked to her with tears in his eyes.

“That cannot be, test again,” he demanded.

“Sir, I tested twice already. The mage is dying,” she shook her head. Cullen looked down to Dorian’s peaceful face. The mage had lost so much in the last year and now to lose his life when his work had barely started. It was unfair and unjust. Cullen began a chant in his head, Trials. He’d spoken it many times before along with the Benediction. Tears slipped from his eyes as he thought about the trials that Dorian had gone through. What he’d done to leave Tevinter, what he’d done to warn and join the Inquisition. What he’d done to give Cullen his love and Cullen threw it away. He felt foolish for turning his best friend down. He loved the man and saw that his gender didn’t matter. He was in love with Dorian Pavus, not only a man, but his best friend. Dorian had been right; a good relationship is founded in friendship. Cullen did the only thing he could think of in that moment; he bent down to give the cold lips a kiss.

“For you darling, to help you pass through the veil,” he whispered. He could not bear to be near the mage any longer; he stood and left the ward. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do anything, at the very least, he could let the healers work on him and he wouldn’t be in the way. He traveled to his office in the waning night. Clouds had covered and it’d begun to rain on the fortress.

               Cullen sat at his desk staring at his door. Any minute now, Dorian would burst through and announce his presence. The mage would saunter over to him and give him a big old smooch on the cheek. Cullen would blush and tell him to knock it off; he wasn’t interested. In truth, it was a big lie, he knew it was but yet he still said the same thing each time; he wasn’t interested in men. He wasn’t interested in men but he was sorely interested in Dorian.

               Tears fell down his cheeks in time with the rain outside. He knew what would come next, a message holding a solemn piece of paper. He would take the paper with shaking hands and read it. It would notate that Dorian’s death was peaceful, a death in his sleep. Cullen would crumple the paper and throw it in the trash before sinking into a seemingly endless pit of despair and depression. He’d drink himself under the table and be plastered for days on end. He wouldn’t shave, he wouldn’t bathe, he would refuse Inquisitor orders and be removed from his position as Commander. He would wander the streets and become addicted to Lyrium before his ultimate death where he’d happily join his beloved friend.

               Neither instance came to him. Instead, Cullen sat there, unmoving for many hours as it rained. The fortress was quiet with the impending event. No one came to visit Cullen that day. He did not feel like eating and instead, retired to his loft early.

“Commander! Commander Cullen!” a hasty hand to his shoulder woke him from his awful slumber.

“Hmm?” he huffed as he attempted to wake. It sounded urgent in the least. “Yes? What is it?” he asked as he yawned.

“It is the mage!” the healer exclaimed. “Come quick! It’s the mage!” Cullen was quick to sit up which caused a headache which he couldn’t care less about.

“Dorian?” he asked, looking to her.

“Yes! Come!” she beckoned him on. “I will wait for you at the ward,” she nodded before descending his loft. Cullen practically fell out of bed; he was so bundled with worry and excitement. He quickly threw on breeches and a tunic before zooming out to burst into the ward. His face lit up when he saw the mage looking very much alive and well.

“Dorian!” Cullen flew to his best friend to tackle him with a generous hug. His head and heart ached as he held the chuckling mage. His tackle nearly sent them to the floor but the mage was strong enough to keep them up. “Maker be praised!” he cradled his best friend and rocked them as they embraced. “How is this? How can this be?” he asked.

“It was you, Cullen,” Dorian whispered in his ear. “You lead me back through the fade, you helped me cross the veil,” he spoke.

“I thought you were going into the veil, not out—Maker!” Cullen wept against him. “You…you were dying, soon to be dead. I couldn’t bear it—Maker, forgive me!” he made sure to feel the warmth of the mage now to reassure himself that he was alive.

“Cullen, you are forgiven, for everything,” Dorian kissed his cheek. “I am the one to apologize,” he kissed his cheek again and moved his right hand up to cup the back of Cullen’s neck and caress his hair. “You admitted your love for me and I threw it to the wayside. I don’t know why I did it but what I do know is that I regret it and if that was the last thing you heard me say, you could never forgive me,” he kissed him again. Cullen moved his head enough that he could kiss Dorian on the lips. The mage gave an excited sound as he held the Commander there to kiss him more and more. They each took their right wing to wrap themselves up in a cocoon for privacy. Cullen felt like he was flying when he kissed his best friend. He kept doing it; feeling high off the mage’s lips and touches. He murmured his love for Dorian over and over between kisses.

“Ahem,” a voice interrupted their session. Cullen stopped kissing and opened his eyes to look at the Vint. Dorian had a light blush on his cheeks; something Cullen had never seen before. He glanced to where the voice was heard beyond their wings before he gave a coy smile to Dorian. Dorian only smiled at him and pecked his lips a few more times.

“We’ll have time later to play,” Dorian whispered. Cullen nodded with his agreement before they both let their wings down. The head healer did not seem pleased about Cullen’s intrusion. It wasn’t her who’d fetched him but the swooning healer behind her whose face was lit up as she gazed at the two men. The men slowly released each other upon request and Dorian was sat down on his bed where the healer began her inspection. Cullen stood nearby, watching and making sure that Dorian was okay. The mage’s face was lit in a different kind of way. Cullen had seen the lusted looks he’d been given before but Dorian had rarely given him this look before. This one held love, unadulterated love.

               The pair was inundated with the Inquisition party once they’d all been told of Dorian’s miraculous recovery. The party rushed down to welcome back their Tevinter mage. Cullen knew that Dorian loved the lime light, but he could also see that the mage was still exhausted and wanted his time with the Commander. Cullen kept to the back to allow everyone else their chance with the tired mage but Dorian kept looking back to him and giving a gentle smile of appreciation. Once the party had been convinced to leave, Cullen went to sit with his mage.

“Would you like to sleep at mine tonight?” Cullen asked. “I—I mean, not…sleep, but…sleep, sleep,” he explained through his stuttering and blush. “You still need to rest but…maybe we could—I mean, we could cuddle or something,” he rubbed at the back of his neck with his proposal. Dorian smiled at him and began to nod.

“I would enjoy that,” he agreed.

“Good,” Cullen smiled with his relief.

“You know,” Dorian began, “all I’ve ever wanted to do with you is crawl into your nest to cuddle and maybe kiss tenderly. Sex is wonderful but…with you…I feel as though I could spend a thousand years in your hold and be utterly content,” he admitted.

“Oh?” Cullen asked. “I…never thought you’d want that.”

“Nor did I, honestly,” Dorian shrugged. “But that night when I was upset and you slept with me, it was the happiest I’d been in a long time. I owed that to you and Maker—what I wouldn’t give to replicate those feelings every night,” he breathed out.

“I would be happy to oblige,” Cullen smiled.

“Good.”


End file.
